Our Journey Through the Oregon Foster Care System
This is the second part of a three part series, detailing a day by day account of what we very quickly deemed “The Week from Hell”. If you haven’t had a chance to read the first part of the week, it can be found HERE.
Sunday:
We woke up with so much uncertainty. Would DHS be knocking at our door to take Ava for reunification with her mom? Should we start packing up her things? Would Sabrina continue to intentionally hurt herself today?
This is the first of a 3-part post providing a day by day account of what we very quickly deemed “The Week from Hell”. When it was occurring, it was hands down the most difficult week of foster care we had experienced. Every day, we were pushed to our limits and there were times that we very seriously consider quitting. The events discussed each day are solely related to our trials through fostering, and do not take into account the every day stressors related to work, or life in general.
The week in question occurred a few weeks after we were informed that reunification for Ava could possibly occur any moment. DHS submitted an application for her Bio-Mom to receive housing at a facility that requires the mother to have custody of her child when she moves in. We had previously voiced our concern about this approach to DHS, and Ava’s lawyer. When we felt that our concerns and the best interest of Ava were not being taken into consideration, we began the process of requesting a CASA for Ava. Upon hearing DHS’s reunification approach, we honestly felt that they were just trying to reduce their caseload and increase their statistics. As you read through our week from hell, know that the daily issues are compounded with our frustration with the proposed reunification plan. Continue reading “The Week from Hell Pt. 1”
We are well aware that not everybody has the ability or desire to be a foster parent. It definitely is not easy, it is not for everyone, and that is perfectly alright. If foster care is not something your family is equipped to do however, there are still many ways you can help. Here is a list of organizations that go above and beyond to help kids in care and their families, both bio and foster. Please consider donating or volunteering with these groups for #GivingTuesday, or anytime of year for that matter.
This post also contains a list of actionable items that you can do yourself, to support foster families in your community.
Continue reading “Organizations We Love”
It is one thing for the kiddo to call you “mama” or “dada”, because their vocabulary is limited. It felt like a completely different thing when we referred to ourselves as “Mom” or “Dad” to the kiddo… in front of the bio-parent.
We know better. We know how awkward and potentially hurtful that could feel to the bio-parents. It can be interpreted a number of different ways, like maybe we think we are her parents, or maybe we are planning on adopting their child, or have little faith that they will get their child back. And in actuality, we are only referring to ourselves this way to the kiddo, because that is how they refer to us. Continue reading “Who’s Your Daddy?”
During the Foundation Training Classes, there are discussions about how to talk to your Foster Children about what their parents are doing, and how these children “fit” into your family. There are discussions about not introducing your child as “my Foster Child” at social events, and to give the children options on how they refer to you. According to the classes, some children may feel comfortable referring to you as “Mom” or “Dad” eventually, but that this should not be expected initially, and it may never happen. It all made sense to us during the classes. We would introduce ourselves as Aaron and Jewell, and let the kiddos know that we love them and are going to take care of them while their Mom or Dad do some grown-up things and get some help so they can be with them shortly.
This all sounds well and good in the classroom and on paper, but our first long term placements have been infants and toddlers.
Continue reading “Are You My Mother?”
The following correspondence is an e-mail exchange between us, our certifier, and a CW. This is a typical correspondence when DHS contacts you about a possible placement. Our initial commitment was for the weekend, so the kids would not have to stay in a hotel with a DHS worker. We were going to use the weekend to see if we could logistically keep them for an extended period.
The first e-mail is from our certifier to us, regarding a possible placement. This amount of information and this type of contact is typical for possible placements.
Continue reading “Possible Placements”
Congratulations on completing your 24-hours of Foundations Training for Foster Care!
Here is your Certificate!
So now we are foster parents, right?!?!?!?! We can begin to help children in need? Right?
This is a place for us to document our journey as foster parents in Oregon. The idea for the blog came to us after we realized that as brand new parents, we were staying up far too late after our kiddos went to bed. We were constantly staying up talking about all of the thoughts we were having as we become more and more ingrained in the Foster Care System. It felt like nearly every day, we encountered a new experience, oftentimes experiences that are unique to foster parents, but also, experiences relevant to all parents, and experiences relevant to all humans who care about other humans.
As we stayed up too late talking, knowing that our kids would wake us up soon, far before our alarm clocks would go off to make it to work on time, we knew that the conversations we were having were much more important than sleep. We thought that the conversations would slowly taper off over the coming weeks. Eventually, we assumed that fostering children would be our “new normal”, and we could get back to watching our shows on Netflix and going to bed at a decent hour. Instead, the longer we were caring for children, the more we interacted with DHS, family, friends, bio-parents, lawyers, CASAs, judges, etc., the more we realized that these conversations were going to continue.
Continue reading “What Is This Blog?”