This is the second part of a three part series, detailing a day by day account of what we very quickly deemed “The Week from Hell”. If you haven’t had a chance to read the first part of the week, it can be found HERE.
Sunday:
We woke up with so much uncertainty. Would DHS be knocking at our door to take Ava for reunification with her mom? Should we start packing up her things? Would Sabrina continue to intentionally hurt herself today?
Would DHS be knocking at our door to take Ava?
At about 10am, we received a text from Ava’s Bio-Mom. She explained that she had packed up all her stuff and had her husband drive her out to her new place to move in. When she arrived, without her child in tow, the admin staff at the home turned her away and informed her that they would be giving her room to the next person on the wait list. Jewell and I were shocked. We tried to put ourselves in her shoes and understand how it would feel to be treated that way. To have your hopes for reunification so high, to pack up all your belongings, to be turned away at the door, and know that because DHS won’t answer their phones on the weekend, your room will be given to someone else.
After learning that reunification would not happen that day, Aaron and his parents took the girls to The Children’s Museum for a day of learning and play. The girls enjoyed their time at the Children’s Museum, and were exhausted at the end of the visit. It was very helpful and re-energizing to have Aaron’s parents around to keep an eye on the girls, give Aaron a little break, and make sure that the kids didn’t outnumber the adults.
Unfortunately, for as great of a day as we had, our night was pretty awful. Again, Sabrina refused to go to sleep, and began self-harming during a tantrum. This time, she grabbed the bars of her crib, one bar in each hand, and proceeded to slam her forehead into the bars. She slammed her head into the bars so hard, that the wooden bars bent outward from the impact. It was so disturbing to watch, and immediately resulted in two vertical bruises resembling the size and spacing of crib bars on her forehead. Again, we had to take pictures and self-report the incident to DHS.
She slammed her head into the bars so hard, that the wooden bars bent outward from the impact.
Monday:
This was a holiday, and we were invited by our work to Oaks Park for a BBQ and free rides for the kids. We thought this would be a fun time for the girls, a good way to spend the day, and at the end of it all, they would be exhausted. Hopefully, Sabrina would even take a nap!
Initially, Oaks Park was great. There were balloons, so Ava was excited, and there were so many people for Sabrina to say “Hiiiiiii” to, so she was happy. Then, Aaron went on a ride with Sabrina, and we learned that she is a little dare devil. She couldn’t get enough of the rides. At one point, she decided it would be easier if she just stayed on the ride during the load/unload interval. The operator was a good sport and let her stay on the airplane while other kids got off and on.
Eventually though, the day unraveled. When we were waiting in line to use the restroom and change some diapers, Sabrina decided that she wanted to run off. Toddlers do this, we get that. When we talked to her though about how she needs to stay with us, she threw a tantrum. Toddlers do this. As Jewell picked her up to leave the situation, she grabbed the skin on Jewell’s neck, pinching and scratching her until she drew blood.
Tuesday:
Finally, the long weekend was over and we would be able talk with DHS and receive the support we need. First order of business, find out when the SSA was arriving to take Sabrina for her visit, and figure out how long the visit would be. We sent an e-mail. The response was amazing and awful.
From the SSA:
“As far as I know Sabrina had an overnight last night (with Mom) and is having another one tonight.”
To which we immediately replied that this was incorrect… because we were looking at Sabrina, in our home, at that very moment. We still don’t know exactly what DHS was thinking. How was Sabrina going to go to her visit if DHS doesn’t work on the holiday? How did she get there if the SSA didn’t drive her? We don’t know where Bio-Mom stays, and we don’t have contact info for her, so how were we supposed to take her? Basically, DHS lost a child. Luckily for DHS, they lost a child in the same place that they last left her, and it was in our home.
Basically, DHS lost a child. Luckily for DHS, they lost a child in the same place that they last left her, and it was in our home.
Then, we received an e-mail from Ava’s CW titled “transition!”. You can read the e-mail correspondence HERE. Basically, the CW did not acknowledge that Ava’s Bio-Mom was left out to dry on Sunday because the CW didn’t answer her phone, but the CW was very excited that the Home has another room available beginning Saturday, so the “transition” would occur on the upcoming Saturday. In our opinion, this was not a transition, a transition is a build-up to a final reunification, and happens over time, this was an immediate reunification. Needless to say, we were not thrilled about the way DHS was handling the case and the support they were providing Ava and her parents, but there was no time to think about that now. Sabrina needed her bags packed for her overnight visit, and Ava had a visit in the afternoon that we had to get ready for.
On the way to drop Ava off at the visit, the CW for Sabrina called. She began by apologizing for the confusion over the long weekend regarding the visits, and thanked us for the e-mails and pictures of the self-harming incidents (that sounds, strange… thankful for photos of self harming). Then she had an ask for us. Because of the visitation confusion, Sabrina was now scheduled to be with Mom on Thursday, the same day that Bio-Mom has a final psychological evaluation scheduled. Apparently, this is required for her reunification to occur. The CW was asking if we could watch Sabrina during the appointment, for about 4-hours, in the middle of the day.
It was hard, but we had to say we couldn’t. We had already made plans with Ava and a friend to go back to the Children’s Museum, and there was no way we could make it work with both kiddos. This decision was so painful to make. It felt like we were refusing to help, like we were abandoning our kiddo, but this week had been so difficult and so uncertain. We knew that we needed to let DHS know that we were up against our limit, and that this ask could push us over the edge. To the benefit of DHS, this CW was a foster parent herself, and also very helpful and understanding. She offered to watch Sabrina during the evaluation, and let us have our day off and spend time with Ava and our friend at the Children’s Museum.
This week had been so difficult and so uncertain, we knew that we needed to let DHS know that we were up against our limit.
Back to the situation with Ava…
At this point, we had nurtured a very strong relationship with Ava’s parents, especially her Mom. The visit was at TFR, and we would be able to see and talk to her parents before and after the visit. We decided that we would be able to talk to her to get a better understanding of how she was feeling about the upcoming move and reunification. The talk we had after the visit in the church parking lot was amazing. Bio-Mom was so honest about her fears and anxieties about reunification on Saturday, and in turn we were able to be open and honest as well. We were able to be open and honest about our fears and anxieties as well as our hopes for success, and our want to remain a resource for her and Ava going forward. We were able to tell her how much we want to help to make sure that this reunification is successful. Oh, and we were able to gripe to each other about how frustrating DHS can be… so that was interesting and fun.
We took Ava home after the visit, and were finally able to have a somewhat relaxing evening. A much needed break as we prepared for the next few days of this awful, no good week.
*Stock Photo