Posted on

We Have An(other) Emergency – Pt. 3

Foster Care

Carlton, 8

After Brit left, DHS quickly realized that our home was open to all children, not just infants and babies.  The older you are, the harder it is for DHS to find a placement for your, long term or short term.  So after Brit left, we very quickly received a call about an 8-year old boy who needed a home, after being removed from his parents and spending the weekend in a hotel.  We talked to Trevor, and he was more than eager to have a boy the same age as him over for a night or seven.

Carlton came to us confused. In his eyes, his parents were perfect. They loved him and he loved them. He missed them dearly. From what we gleaned from the the news, his story, and DHS, his parents fell into the grips of addiction and made some very poor choices. In his mind, his parent were being framed. In the eyes of the law, his dad may have been robbing banks and convenience stores, and the apartment they lived in might have had needles and drug paraphernalia laying around. Whatever the truth is, we know we had a child in our home who was scared, confused, and worried.

Continue reading “We Have An(other) Emergency – Pt. 3”

Posted on

How to Set Up a Bedroom for Foster Care

Once you start your journey into Foster Care, some people become very anxious. When will I get “the call” for my first placement? Who will it be? Am I prepared enough? Am I ready for this journey? How do I set up my foster care bedroom?!

Many people try to channel these anxious thoughts, along with all of the other crazy emotions that come with being an expectant parent, into doing something. They feel the need to prepare, to nest, and to get your foster care bedroom set up ahead of time. It is ok to be prepared!

Foster Care Room
How To Set Up A Bedroom For Foster Care

In this photo, you can see what our guest room/office looked like before we began fostering. This is what it looked like when we got called for our first placement, weeks ahead of when we were officially certified, with Four Hours notice of our first placement. If you are feeling antsy, we encourage you to make a list of things you need, plan ahead, have a game plan, and get ready to be flexible! We thought our first placement would be a school-age kiddo, but DHS called us with a 11-month old for our first kiddo.

Prior to our first placement, we thought we were prepared for a kiddo being placed in our home. Now, after 12 placements, and a 13th coming at the end of the month, ranging in age from 11-months to 16-years (no, we do not have 13 kids, that is how many we have cared for in our home), we feel like we are actually prepared.  Many people have asked us to write a post with tips for preparing a room for a placement.  Given the popularity of our Foster Care Wishlist post, and the request for a room specific post, we decided to make it happen. Here are some steps to go through so that you are more prepared than we were! Also its a great way to keep your hands busy while you wait for the call.

Continue reading “How to Set Up a Bedroom for Foster Care”

Posted on

We Have An(other) Emergency – Pt. 4

foster care

Ryan, 2

We got a call during work, asking if we had room to care for a two year old boy for the night. He and his two other siblings had been removed from their previous foster home, most likely a family friend or relative, because they failed to become emergency certified in the allowable time. We have no idea the circumstances surrounding the kiddo being in care, or why their initial placement failed to become certified, we just know that DHS called us frantically trying to find a home for one of the three siblings, and asked if we would be able to care for Ryan.

Continue reading “We Have An(other) Emergency – Pt. 4”

Posted on

We Have An(other) Emergency – Pt. 5

Foster Care

Abram, 5

We were relaxing one Sunday morning, just the two of us, Trevor was at respite. The morning was amazing! We slept in until around 8:30 or so, woke up, sipped coffee, and cleaned the house. That is what respite allows for us, and it is great. Then, because our life is so predictable, our moment of respite was interrupted by a call from the emergency placement desk. A boy, who they thought was seven or eight years old, was found wandering the streets in the early morning during a rain storm.  When they called us, DHS was not sure of the boys name. They were pretty certain he was 8-years old, did not speak english, but was from African descent. The police who picked him up brought him to DHS, since the boy was not able to tell them where he lived. The agency then began simultaneously trying to find a placement for him while also trying to find his family to figure out what happened.

When they called us, we didn’t have the opportunity to ask Trevor if it was alright, since he was at respite. Our gut told us that this would truly be short term. Maybe the boy just wandered off while his parents were sleeping and once they find his family he can be returned home with a safety plan.  We said he could stay with us for at least the day, and the night if necessary, while they work on locating his family. Continue reading “We Have An(other) Emergency – Pt. 5”

Posted on

We Have An(other) Emergency – Pt. 6

Foster Care

Charles/Alyssa, 8, 2

This is where our status as an “emergency placement” home takes a hiatus.  We received a call in the late evening, letting us know that there was a sibling set of three that were just removed and needed an immediate placement. We were in no position to take three children, and we let DHS know that. They asked if we could at least take two kiddos. We asked what ages, and they said whichever ages you would like, “we have 8, 4 and 2”. In the moment, it was hard to concentrate and make an informed decision, so we left it up to DHS. They said they were on their way to our house, and would most likely be bringing the 8-year old and 2-year old.  At this point, we asked “what gender?” and were met with silence. Eventually, the placement worker said “not sure… I assumed girls, but I am just guessing”. It was clear that the situation was chaotic.

About 20-minutes later, unmarked state vehicles were parked in front of our house, and two children, an 8-year old boy, and a 2-year old girl were walking up our front steps. To this day, it is heart breaking to reminisce on their appearance and condition when they arrived. The best word to describe their appearance is “filthy”, and we do not use that word lightly. They were both covered in dirt and grime, so much so that their skin color changed after the second bath each of them had.  The 8-year old boy had dreads in his hair from tangles, and shoes that were too small his toes had ripped through the front.  The 2-year old girl was very scared, and was wearing rain boots, no pants, no diaper, and a t-shirt.  We were told that they were removed from under a bridge, the family was suffering from houselessness, and that the police found them due to a domestic violence incident.

What about the 4-year old you ask? Well she was actually 13-months old, and placed in another foster home. Continue reading “We Have An(other) Emergency – Pt. 6”

Posted on

Forever – Foster Care Isn’t Forever

Forever

It was never going to be forever. When we started the journey of becoming foster parents, it was not with the hope or goal of adoption. We became foster parents because we wanted to help children in need, and support families during tough times.  DHS knew this, we knew this, the bio-parents of the children who have been in our home knew this. Even the kids coming in to our home knew this, as over time we therapeutically explained our role to them. No matter how much you remind yourself of this, and talk to those around you about your role, and tell DHS your boundaries, it doesn’t make a kiddo transitioning away from your home any easier.

When people learn that we are foster parents, they often say nice things to us, like “what you guys are doing is so amazing”, or “I am so glad there are people like you in the world”, then follow it up with some awkward statements, and finally end with the following:

Continue reading “Forever – Foster Care Isn’t Forever”

Posted on

Letter to Ariel*

The following is a letter I wrote to our 9-year old Foster Daughter Ariel*, upon her leaving our home after a nearly 16-month stay with us in our home. The note was handed to her with a bouquet of flowers as she walked out our front door. She was leaving us to move in with her potential adoptive family, who she had been spending weekends with over the past month-and-a-half.

Dear Ariel,

We first met you on November 4th, 2016, when you and Trevor* first came to our home.  Over the past 15+ months, we have had the joy and privilege of raising, helping, and caring for you and your brother, but most of all, we got to enjoy your company, personality and watch you grow into an amazing person.

We made so many memories together, and we are grateful for every one. We remember the first day we sent you off to school, and taking you to the beach for your first time.  There were trips to the zoo to see animals, the Children’s Museum to play with other kids in the vet room, and OMSI to see the LEGO exhibit.  You and Trevor were the first kids we have ever had at our house for Christmas, Thanksgiving, our birthdays, Easter, Halloween, and St. Patrick’s day.  That is something that is very special to us and that we will always remember.  You even helped us move to our new house!

You are such an amazing, strong, confident, and incredible person. You have experienced so much in life, and you continue to amaze us everyday with your positive attitude, determination, and incredible personality. You are a beautiful individual, and I can’t wait to see what you accomplish in life. You are amazing sister to your brother, and you have done a great job helping him, caring for him, and especially being patient with him.

Today is bittersweet. We love you so much. You have been an amazing daughter. We always knew that this day would come, the day where you transition from our home towards your forever family, but now it is here.  We are sad that we will not see your big smile around our house as often, or hear you sing in the living room, but we are happy that you are transitioning to a wonderful home with people who will love and care for you as much as we do.  We are happy that although you are not going to be at our house as much, Mark* and Rachel* are gaining a wonderful daughter, and Luke* a great sister.

Always remember, there are so many people in the world that love you deeply. Everybody you have met while living with us will miss you deeply, but are also very happy for you. These people love you and will always be here to support you, no matter what.

This isn’t “good bye”, it is “see you later”, and we will see you soon.

Love,

Aaron and Jewell

Thanks for reading, if you have questions or comments, feel free to post them in the comment section below, we would love to hear from you.  To receive updates when a new post is published, click the “Follow” button, we appreciate your interest in our journey. You can also “like” our page on Facebook.

Posted on

Dear Foster Curious

Interested in becoming a foster parent?

We didn’t come out as potential foster parents until we took in our first kiddo. We didn’t tell anyone we were taking classes to become certified as foster parents, because we wanted to give ourselves the ability to back out. Becoming a foster parent is a very big and very personal decision, that for better or worse, tends to define a part of you. For us, we went into the first foster parent orientation class as a curious couple, not sure if foster care was for us or not. We left, feeling like it was something we were interested in pursuing… but we didn’t tell anyone.  As we got farther into the process, and closer and closer to being certified, we told a few family members, a few coworkers so we could adjust our work schedules, and some of our closest friends. Most of our family and friends had no idea that becoming a foster parent was something we were interested in doing until we posted on Facebook the night Ava (4-hours) was sleeping soundly in her crib the first night she was placed in our home.

Continue reading “Dear Foster Curious”

Posted on

Foster Care Wishlist

*If you have kids over five, please see our updated post, “wishlist part 2.”

No matter how much you prepare yourself to be a foster parent (or parent in general), you will never be fully prepared.  Being a foster parent throws some additional curveballs in the preparation process for becoming a parent, and honestly, with each placement the only thing that gets easier is that you are more prepared to be unprepared.  As many of you probably know, during our certification process we anticipated being foster parents to school-age children, but our first placement was Ava*, an infant, who arrived at our home 4-hours after the initial placement phone call.

When becoming a parent, you often have 9ish-months to prepare.  You can use this time to freak out, paint the bedroom, clean the house, stock-up on necessary and unnecessary supplies, over-analyze, host a baby-shower, spread out expenses over months, and yes, freak out.  To become a foster parent, it took us a little bit less than 6-months from the start of our journey to our first placement.  During that time, we prepared our home to pass the DHS Home Inspection (fire extinguisher = check!), and emptied the room that our future kiddo would occupy, save for a twin bed.  Beyond that, we had no idea if we should get toys, clothes, and decorations for a 5-year old boy, or an 18-year old girl, or anyone in between.  And it turns out, we should have ditched the bed, set-up a crib, and prepared for an 11-month old little girl!

All we are trying to say is, “preparing for a placement is very difficult”. Our first placement was just as difficult as preparing for our 5th and 6th.  These are little humans, all with their own needs, and the amount of time you have between when you know they are coming, and when they arrive can be measured in minutes or hours, not months. Many of the items you purchase for your kiddos need to be and should be sent with them when reunification occurs (clothes, toys you bought them, hygiene products, etc.), but some things you buy, are considered items for the house, and you can keep for the next placement.  This phenomenon explains why we have a double jogger and single jogger as well as a pack-n-play taking up valuable storage space while there are no toddlers currently in our home. Continue reading “Foster Care Wishlist”

Posted on

The State Of The System Audit

As we write this, yesterday was the 2018 State of the Union address (SOTU), but today we heard and read something that was a lot more personal. We are calling it the State of the System audit (SOTS), and it was quantitative and qualitative look at the state of the foster care system in Oregon… where we are foster parents.  This audit of the Oregon Foster Care System and Oregon DHS, is a very detailed look and exposure of the issues affecting youth in foster care, foster parents, and caseworkers across Oregon. It is damning. For a summary press release from the Secretary of State, click here. It has also been heavily covered by local new organizations.

It is damning. For a summary press release from the Secretary of State, click here.

If you are a subscriber or regular reader of the blog, first, THANK YOU! Second, you have probably noticed that we haven’t posted much lately or frequently. One reason is that life is crazy busy, and we have found it difficult to find time to write our longer form posts about our journey as foster parents, that we hope provide insight, growth, successes, failures, heart breaks, and exhaustion we experience on a daily basis. The other reason is; every time we sit down to write a post, we feel like it quickly turns into a negative post complaining about the system, lack of support available to foster parents, the disservice being done to the children is the system, and overall frustration we have regarding the State of the System that we are experiencing. However, reading the State of the System audit provided validation for everything we have been feeling.

Continue reading “The State Of The System Audit”