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Enjoy the Time You Have: Being present with your kiddo in the uncertainty of foster care

When you become a foster parent and open your home to a kiddo in need, you are welcoming a child into your home out of love and necessity. The reason you open your home to a child is because at your core you want to love and care for kiddos. The only reason you are able to accept kids into your home is because, unfortunately, there is a need.

When you say yes to a “placement”, you are saying yes to expanding your family. It is an incredible feeling that is very hard to explain. There is so much joy and excitement, there is no doubt that there is a tremendous amount of love, but there is also an underlying fear and anxiety.  The fear and anxiety, initially, is not overwhelming or overbearing. It might give you butterflies or make you a bit nervous, and feels a bit like “falling in love”. But overtime, this can change, and the anxiety and fear, especially around the future, and potential loss, can grow and become overwhelming.

This post will hopefully provide some perspective that helps foster parents, and those who know, love, support, and are allies of foster parents, understand that the fear and anxiety surrounding the duration or ultimate outcome of a placement is “ok”, but it is more important to focus on the present, and enjoy the time you have.

Continue reading “Enjoy the Time You Have: Being present with your kiddo in the uncertainty of foster care”

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Foster Parents at the Senate

On November 19, 2019, a grassroots non-profit organization that we are a part of, called Foster Parents Together, were given the opportunity to speak to the Oregon State Senate on Legislature Listening Days. The goal was to voice concerns, experiences, and recommendations to politicians who have the power and duty to improve the foster care system. Often, a missing voice in the conversations regarding fixing the foster care system is the voice of the foster families who live the struggle every day. This was our opportunity to speak.

Aaron, along with other foster parents and advocates from around the state gave over 20-minutes of statements to state senators, the head of DHS, and the director of child welfare, in hopes of working together to improve the system.

The following is the written statement Aaron prepared and the statement to the senate was based on*.

“Hello,

First, I would like to say “thank you” to all of you for giving us this opportunity to speak today on this very important topic.  My hope is that we can work together to improve the state of child welfare in Oregon to benefit the children in care, the foster parents trying to help, and bio-families who need support. Continue reading “Foster Parents at the Senate”

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10 Tips for Successful Foster Care Visits

Visits for Kids in Foster Care

As we write this post, our kiddos are on a visit. Visitation is an aspect of being a foster parent that is quite interesting, but honestly, not that unique in the world of parenting. If you were raised in a family that experienced a divorce, visitation in foster care can be compared to visitations or shared custody between divorced parents. This post is a guide to help foster parents navigate the intricacies of visitations, and hopefully set themselves, their kiddos, and the bio-family up for success.

See our previous post for a discussion on why visits are so important, Foster Care Visitation (Pt. 1)

Visitations can be very hard for kids. It can be difficult for them to understand and process all of the emotions they are feeling. The whole event can be very exhausting, overwhelming, exciting, anxiety inducing, amazing, disappointing, as well as a myriad of other emotions and feelings. All of this can make for a pretty difficult build up and come down for you and your family, if you are not properly prepared for visits.  Hopefully some of the suggestions in this post can help you navigate, survive, or even flourish during visitation days. Continue reading “10 Tips for Successful Foster Care Visits”

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Foster Care Visitation (Pt. 1)

Visitation

I want to spend some time talking about visitations. If you are new to foster care, or even if your own family is going through a separation or divorce, you may be getting introduced and familiarized with the idea of visitations. You might also find yourself experiencing and getting familiarized with emotions and behaviors surrounding visitations. Behaviors both from the kiddos, and the adults involved. I wrote this post with the hope to encourage you during these potentially difficult times. Hopefully, through this post, and others to follow, I can provide some insight on why the children and adults in your life act the way they do, why visits are important, and how to prepare yourself and your family for visits, and be as successful as possible.

Continue reading “Foster Care Visitation (Pt. 1)”
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How Would You Rate Your Pain?

Emergency Mamas

We are very excited to share a guest post from Emergency Mamas. It is wonderful to find like minded Foster Parents who also share honest glimpses into their world and the hard work we do as foster parents. Although we are on the same journey, it is very interesting and informative for us read the experiences and perspectives of others, and see the similarities and differences. We hope you enjoy their post and blog as much as we do!

How Would You Rate Your Pain?

You know when you go to the doctor and they ask you to rate your pain, using some numbers and smiling/frowning faces on a little chart?

Typically, people rank much higher than they actually are feeling because the vast majority of us only know moderate pain. If you can sit up, talk to the doctor, and you drove yourself to the office…your pain is not an 8. It might  be a 5. Continue reading “How Would You Rate Your Pain?”

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We Have An Emergency – Pt. 2

Emergency Placement

Brit, 16

Our first call for an emergency placement was for Brit. She was 16, and the Placement Desk could not give us a lot of initial information about who she is or what the circumstances were for her needing a placement immediately, but stated that it does not sound like their were any behaviors or major issues that would make it a difficult placement. It was a Friday, we were off for the weekend, and we felt that we could swing it. We asked Trevor what he thought about having a 16-year old girl live with us for a few days, and before we could finish asking, he said “say yes”.  We did. Then the Placement Desk called back to see what our final decision was, and provide some additional information about Brit and her circumstances.

According to DHS, Brit was a run away who had run from numerous placements, has been homeless for the past few months, smokes cigarettes and uses marijuana. The Placement Desk seemed shocked about the cigarettes and marijuana use, and gave us every opportunity to back out. Those “behaviors” were not what we were worried about… we were petrified about her tendency to run away.  What would we do if she bolted during the night? They suggested “let her run and call the police”.  Not exactly a comforting response. We said yes, for the weekend.

Continue reading “We Have An Emergency – Pt. 2”

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We Have An(other) Emergency – Pt. 3

Foster Care

Carlton, 8

After Brit left, DHS quickly realized that our home was open to all children, not just infants and babies.  The older you are, the harder it is for DHS to find a placement for your, long term or short term.  So after Brit left, we very quickly received a call about an 8-year old boy who needed a home, after being removed from his parents and spending the weekend in a hotel.  We talked to Trevor, and he was more than eager to have a boy the same age as him over for a night or seven.

Carlton came to us confused. In his eyes, his parents were perfect. They loved him and he loved them. He missed them dearly. From what we gleaned from the the news, his story, and DHS, his parents fell into the grips of addiction and made some very poor choices. In his mind, his parent were being framed. In the eyes of the law, his dad may have been robbing banks and convenience stores, and the apartment they lived in might have had needles and drug paraphernalia laying around. Whatever the truth is, we know we had a child in our home who was scared, confused, and worried.

Continue reading “We Have An(other) Emergency – Pt. 3”

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How to Set Up a Bedroom for Foster Care

Once you start your journey into Foster Care, some people become very anxious. When will I get “the call” for my first placement? Who will it be? Am I prepared enough? Am I ready for this journey? How do I set up my foster care bedroom?!

Many people try to channel these anxious thoughts, along with all of the other crazy emotions that come with being an expectant parent, into doing something. They feel the need to prepare, to nest, and to get your foster care bedroom set up ahead of time. It is ok to be prepared!

Foster Care Room
How To Set Up A Bedroom For Foster Care

In this photo, you can see what our guest room/office looked like before we began fostering. This is what it looked like when we got called for our first placement, weeks ahead of when we were officially certified, with Four Hours notice of our first placement. If you are feeling antsy, we encourage you to make a list of things you need, plan ahead, have a game plan, and get ready to be flexible! We thought our first placement would be a school-age kiddo, but DHS called us with a 11-month old for our first kiddo.

Prior to our first placement, we thought we were prepared for a kiddo being placed in our home. Now, after 12 placements, and a 13th coming at the end of the month, ranging in age from 11-months to 16-years (no, we do not have 13 kids, that is how many we have cared for in our home), we feel like we are actually prepared.  Many people have asked us to write a post with tips for preparing a room for a placement.  Given the popularity of our Foster Care Wishlist post, and the request for a room specific post, we decided to make it happen. Here are some steps to go through so that you are more prepared than we were! Also its a great way to keep your hands busy while you wait for the call.

Continue reading “How to Set Up a Bedroom for Foster Care”

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Letter to Ariel*

The following is a letter I wrote to our 9-year old Foster Daughter Ariel*, upon her leaving our home after a nearly 16-month stay with us in our home. The note was handed to her with a bouquet of flowers as she walked out our front door. She was leaving us to move in with her potential adoptive family, who she had been spending weekends with over the past month-and-a-half.

Dear Ariel,

We first met you on November 4th, 2016, when you and Trevor* first came to our home.  Over the past 15+ months, we have had the joy and privilege of raising, helping, and caring for you and your brother, but most of all, we got to enjoy your company, personality and watch you grow into an amazing person.

We made so many memories together, and we are grateful for every one. We remember the first day we sent you off to school, and taking you to the beach for your first time.  There were trips to the zoo to see animals, the Children’s Museum to play with other kids in the vet room, and OMSI to see the LEGO exhibit.  You and Trevor were the first kids we have ever had at our house for Christmas, Thanksgiving, our birthdays, Easter, Halloween, and St. Patrick’s day.  That is something that is very special to us and that we will always remember.  You even helped us move to our new house!

You are such an amazing, strong, confident, and incredible person. You have experienced so much in life, and you continue to amaze us everyday with your positive attitude, determination, and incredible personality. You are a beautiful individual, and I can’t wait to see what you accomplish in life. You are amazing sister to your brother, and you have done a great job helping him, caring for him, and especially being patient with him.

Today is bittersweet. We love you so much. You have been an amazing daughter. We always knew that this day would come, the day where you transition from our home towards your forever family, but now it is here.  We are sad that we will not see your big smile around our house as often, or hear you sing in the living room, but we are happy that you are transitioning to a wonderful home with people who will love and care for you as much as we do.  We are happy that although you are not going to be at our house as much, Mark* and Rachel* are gaining a wonderful daughter, and Luke* a great sister.

Always remember, there are so many people in the world that love you deeply. Everybody you have met while living with us will miss you deeply, but are also very happy for you. These people love you and will always be here to support you, no matter what.

This isn’t “good bye”, it is “see you later”, and we will see you soon.

Love,

Aaron and Jewell

Thanks for reading, if you have questions or comments, feel free to post them in the comment section below, we would love to hear from you.  To receive updates when a new post is published, click the “Follow” button, we appreciate your interest in our journey. You can also “like” our page on Facebook.

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Dear Foster Curious

Interested in becoming a foster parent?

We didn’t come out as potential foster parents until we took in our first kiddo. We didn’t tell anyone we were taking classes to become certified as foster parents, because we wanted to give ourselves the ability to back out. Becoming a foster parent is a very big and very personal decision, that for better or worse, tends to define a part of you. For us, we went into the first foster parent orientation class as a curious couple, not sure if foster care was for us or not. We left, feeling like it was something we were interested in pursuing… but we didn’t tell anyone.  As we got farther into the process, and closer and closer to being certified, we told a few family members, a few coworkers so we could adjust our work schedules, and some of our closest friends. Most of our family and friends had no idea that becoming a foster parent was something we were interested in doing until we posted on Facebook the night Ava (4-hours) was sleeping soundly in her crib the first night she was placed in our home.

Continue reading “Dear Foster Curious”