This is the third part of a three part series detailing a day by day account of what we very quickly deemed “The Week from Hell”. If you haven’t had a chance to read the first two posts, they can be found HERE and HERE.
Wednesday:
On this day, we just had Ava at our house, because Sabrina was still on her overnight visit. Sabrina had a decent number of overnight visits during this time, since she was actually transitioning towards reunification with her mom, not just being spontaneously reunited. Overall, it was a good day with Ava. The only damper on this day was an e-mail from Ava’s CW stating that “all legal parties have agreed” that reunification can occur on Saturday. Foster Parents are not legal parties, despite the fact that we see the kids, and the parents in this case, more often than DHS, the child’s lawyer, the parent’s lawyer, or anyone else involved in the case.
The fact that the e-mail confirmed reunification was most likely going to occur was not the frustrating part of the e-mail. The part that irked us was that at the end of the e-mail, she asked if we were comfortable “transporting” Ava for reunification on Saturday, since the CW does not work weekends and she is not sure if the new residence can provide transportation. She asked this of us even though the CW already knew that were not thrilled with the “transition!” plan, or lack thereof, and she knows that we are also very frustrated with her refusal to do any work related to the well being of the children on her caseload over the weekend. So knowing all of this, she still had the audacity to ask us to do her job for her.
The part that irked us was that at the end of the e-mail, she asked if we were comfortable “transporting” Ava.
Luckily for her, we were happy to do it because we had already talked to Ava’s Mom about what items she needs to make this reunification possible, and how we can help. Despite our anger at the request, we said yes, because the success of this reunification and the well being of this family is extremely important to us.
Thursday:
So, remember how we e-mailed Ava’s CW and said that we would assist with the reunification on Saturday? Well, we woke up on Thursday to an e-mail from the CW to us and the Bio-Mom, explaining the “transportation plan” for Ava on Saturday, as well as disclosing our contact information to the Bio-Mom. This is a big “No-No” in the Foster Care world, as DHS claims to hold the privacy of the foster parents sacred.
The last thing you want, when you have someone else’s child in your home who was removed from their parents by the state, is for them to know how to get a hold of you, or find you, without your consent. There are horror stories in the foster parent community of bio-families following families home from visits, and knocking on the door, or bio-families learning the foster families phone numbers and calling non-stop.
The last thing you want, when you have someone else’s child in your home who was removed from their parents by the state, is for them to know how to get a hold of you, or find you, without your consent.
We had created alternate e-mail accounts to be able to contact bio-parents. We had not been spelling our first names correctly in correspondence, and had never provided our last names to bio-families. All of this was just to keep a degree of separation from each other for safety purposes. In one e-mail, at 5:45 a.m, two days prior to reunification, this CW ruined all of that. Immediately, we fired off e-mails to the CW, her supervisor, our Certifier, our Certifier’s boss, and anyone else we could think of at DHS who would care, explaining how uncomfortable and vulnerable this made us feel. Don’t worry though, the CW sent us an e-mail saying that she was “SO SORRY”. Lucky for her, we had a good relationship with the bio-family, so it was not terrifying for us, it was the principal of the matter.
We spent the rest of the day playing with the Kiddos, and after they went to bed, we finalized the statement Aaron was planning to read in court the next morning during the permanency hearing. That night, Jewell texted Ava’s Mom to tell her we would see them at court in the morning, and that we had a statement we would read to the judge. We didn’t want to surprise her when we read a statement, and assured her that it was not a statement against her, but a statement advocating for her and Ava.
Friday:
Court Day! This day had been on our calendar for months. At the previous court hearing, this court hearing, billed as a permanency hearing, was scheduled. Now, it just so happened to occur the day before reunification was happening. When the hearing was initially scheduled, the idea of reunification was not really in the picture, this court hearing was initially scheduled as a check-in 3-months down the road from the previous permanency hearing. The only way that reunification would not occur, would be if the judge blocked it because he felt that it was not appropriate at this time based on the information provided at the court hearing.
We hired a babysitter for Ava and Sabrina, and we headed off to the Juvenile Detention Center, where children cases are heard.
The only way that reunification would not occur, would be if the judge blocked it because he felt that it was not appropriate at this time based on the information provided at the court hearing.
While we waited for the session to begin, we sat in the waiting area with Ava’s Mom. We chatted and even giggled. We talked about how we all hated this place, how it made us so nervous and uncomfortable. Why are cases for families with kids in the system held at “Juvie”?
The court experience will be detailed in another post (coming soon), and the statement Aaron read in court is HERE. It was a very stressful and anxious build-up, but we both left the court room feeling much better than when we walked in. Reunification was approved by the judge, and was to occur on Saturday, but a transition plan was also made, albeit in the hallway outside of the courtroom.
Saturday:
Reunification day! What a strange day. We drove Ava to TFR for a visit with her Bio-Dad, then drove a car load of stuff to Bio-Mom’s new place. This included a high-chair, a pack-n-play, clothes for Ava, toys, diapers, food, and anything else we had bought for her, or we thought they might need. After dropping off this stuff and helping her set it up, we went back to TFR, picked up Ava from Bio-Dad, and drove her to Mom for Reunification.
Ava’s reunification was an amazingly positive experience. We spent time talking and laughing with her Mom, while Ava slept soundly in her carseat. As we unloaded our car with all of the necessities we had brought, we talked about the plan going forward, her fears, our fears, her hopes, and our hopes. After unloading everything, setting up the pack-n-play, and organizing Ava’s clothes, we woke Ava up. She was all smiles! We hugged her, played with her, gave her kisses, and hugged her some more. After hours of hanging out, we said goodbye to Ava and her Mom, with smiles on our faces. We would be back the next day to pick up Ava for an overnight visit, to give her Mom a chance to get situated in her new *home*.
The week was finally over. Now we had to process what we had just lived through.
*Stock Photo
